just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize