you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
