a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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