if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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