I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
