apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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