I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
