i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
