Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
