we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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