all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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