Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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