That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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