I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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