yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
