no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
