You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
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Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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