and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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