I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
