i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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