its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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