she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
