Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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