They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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