While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
