I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
