The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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