remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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