All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
