No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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