you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
