if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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