I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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