HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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