I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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