Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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