and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
