I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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