I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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