He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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