My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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