i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
