I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
