I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
