Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
