I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up