Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.