I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
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my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.