Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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