Apparently you make a good broom.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize