if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
