she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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