she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize