3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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