I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
