So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
