and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
