Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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