i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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