she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
