ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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