what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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