3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
