ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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