im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So apparently I’m into choking now
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