im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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